His Greatest Creation

“His greatest creation is you.  You are His greatest creation.  Everything you need, He put inside you.“  (Bro. Robert Newton, 7-8-13)

How can I be His greatest creation? Does He really value me…? More than a sunset? Or a roaring river flowing through the mountains? More than the Garden of Eden? How could He value me?

And yet, He did not give His son—His only son—His beloved son—to suffer & die for a sunset, or a river, or a garden.  He did give His son for me.

Jesus has proven His love beyond a shadow of a doubt.  He gave himself.  He suffered.  He endured.  He despised the shame of it.  But He did it because of the joy ahead.  (Heb 12:2)

So, why do I feel like I have no value? That I don’t really matter?  And even worse, that I am a big disappointment? A failure? Rejected?  Why do I battle the same battles day after day, month after month, year after year? What key am I missing?  Why can’t I get it?

Oh, I acknowledge the truth.  I nod my head & say amen!  My life’s schedule revolves around the church’s.  And still, there are days, too many I’m sad to admit, that I struggle.  I can go from the mountain top, great faith, energy & joy to the depths of loneliness, tiredness, and a constant battle against negative forces of depression, criticism, & tears.  Even as I know it’s not right & I should shake it off, I lose momentum.  Instead of tearing down strongholds & banishing the darkness, I stumble…again.  I weaken…I become overwhelmed.  Dear, Lord, save me from myself.  “Don’t let the enemy overtake me!” seems to be a familiar desperate cry.

So, how does one reconcile the strong overcoming person of faith with the small child inside who wants to do great things, but in reality, doesn’t know how to fly?  Even wonders if God really does love them because they’re His special creation, or if He loves them because He is God & He has to.

That seems amusing as I write it.  Like God says, ‘Well, I made Tina & I love her, but only because I have to, not cause I really want to.  

When Bro. Newton prayed for me, he said something that struck a chord in my soul.  He said, “You’ve given all you can give. You’ve come to the end of yourself. The end of yourself…but not the end of God.  He doesn’t come to the end of Himself.”  

In Matthew 11 Jesus said, “Come to Me all you who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn of Me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.”

He will give us rest.  In Psalm 23, He says He restores our soul.

Let’s face it…life is hard. Life stinks. Life is not fair. Yet, we have a champion.  We have a defender, a strong tower.  When we are weak, He is strong.  And He loves us.  He loves me!  He loves you!  And He is BIG ENOUGH, capable enough, & wise enough to protect my fragile little soul & bring me to the day of completion when flesh will lose all hold. I will put on immortality. I will be like Him & with Him. 

And until that day, I will continue on.  I will have struggles, & no doubt some failures.  But I will also have some triumphs.  And He will never leave me or forsake me.  And even though it’s beyond my ability to comprehend, I know He loves me.  I am His greatest creation.  You are His greatest creation.    

picture by Matt Rogers

By Tina Van Brunt

The blur that was my June

Well, I have now seen & swam in the ocean.  That may not seem like a big whoop to most people, but I have been waiting all my life.  You know how it is when you anticipate something for a long time?  Then when it actually happens, it seems kind of anti-climatic. It didn't live up to  your expectations.  That was NOT the case with the ocean.  It was better than I dreamed.  The waves, the roar, the energy, the life, the power, the beauty...amazing!  I loved it!  You can bet I won't wait 43 more years to see it again.

Grand Canyon..another first.  My first view of it didn't seem real.  It looked like a painting on the other side of the car window.  It was quite awe-inspiring, also.  I wouldn't mind exploring it some more & spending some time there in the future.  Wish I had my young body, then I could do some hiking.

Speaking of young body...hormones...the evil monster that keeps robbing me of myself.  If I had not experienced what they could do to a person for myself, I would not have believed it.  When I was young, it was never an issue.  In fact, I think I was kind of proud of that.  That's what you get for being cocky!  Now I have understanding. I only bring it up because when they mess we me, it's like a dark heavy blanket settles over me & impacts everything.  But then the heavy blanket lifts & I feel like sunshine & smiley faces again, ready to tackle the world.  

Revival.  If you have never heard Bro. Robert Newton preach, you are missing out!  We had a fantastic time at church.  I think seeing the teenagers joining in worship, praying & seeking God is one of my favorite things.  So many of today's youth are caught up in selfish pursuits, but there are those who are learning to be servants because they love & have a heart after God. There is hope for the next generation. 

I just spent a week at church camp at Turner Falls.  Some day when my thoughts are more coherent, I will write about camp.  That was the last A/G youth camp EVER at Turner Falls.  Bittersweet, I would say.  The campgrounds are old and over crowded, which is why we are building a new campground facility that will better meet the needs.  But, wow!  I have so many precious memories from Turner Falls that I will cherish.

One last thought before I go for the evening.  Grand-babies.  Now, I am a young grandma; or Mimi as I like to be called.  I have 4 grand-kids. 2 girls, 2 boys.  I adore them! They keep me busy.  I miss my little CA sunshine baby so much!  On second thought, I will leave the topic of grand-babies for another time.  Just thinking about our little one so far away makes my heart ache.   

June had been a great month, but I am ready to slow down, hang out at the pool, & talk about all the things I should be doing.  lol!  Hope your summer is a blessed one, too!

Tears

Okay, I admit it; I am a crier.  I have embarrassed myself many times throughout my life with inopportune tears.  I have gotten better with age though.  Guess I've toughened up a bit.  At least I can usually hold off the tears until I'm in a private place.

Well, I have made it three-quarters of the way through my first year teaching, & it feels like I have come a long way in that time.  I cried every day on my way home from school for the first 2 weeks.  I remember realizing that it must be getting better when I  hadn't cried for a while. 

I cried tonight for a long time...not because I was stressed and tired and the kids were pushing all my buttons, but because I talked to a girl today who had wanted to commit suicide.  On the drive home from taking my grandson back to his parents, I had some alone time with God.  I thought of all the different situations and issues I knew that some students were dealing with.  I thought about the compromises and immature moral decisions that so many students are making.  I thought about the students who are always on the fringe of things, but never really a part of the group.  Students who can't read.  Students who think they are stupid.  My heart is broken tonight for all of these and more.  And I prayed.  I prayed hard. I realized tonight that even though I still have long way to go to be the teacher that I want to be (like my awesome prof. Dra. Shelton), I can make a difference right now through the power of love and prayer for my students.  I felt that God was just giving me a little taste of His broken heart tonight.  My granny had a plaque on her wall that said, "Prayer Changes Things" and I truly believe that.  So, I will probably always be a crier, but then so was Jesus when his heart broke for his people, and they wouldn't come to him.  He could have changed their lives forever. 

I think tears are important to God. Why else would He say He puts our tears in a bottle and makes a record of them in His book? (Ps. 56:8)  I am not alone.  My students are not alone.  You are not alone.  He loves me & He loves you, too.  So, I am hopeful.  As my dad says when he is preaching, hope is the expectation of future good. And He has filled me with hope. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5)

Child-like Wonder

I love watching small children, don't you?  They experience every experience in their little lives with all their beings.  I love watching my 7 month old grandson eat.  His eyes get big.  He kicks his arms & legs furiously, & bounces up & down.  My other 13 month old grandson will drop everything in an instant when someone presses the button on his teddy bear that plays Cotton-Eyed Joe.  He dances as fast as he can until the end when he stops just as quickly as he started & begins clapping & smiling.  And my little granddaughters, ages 7 & 8.  So curious, busy, daring, & totally uninhibited.  When I think about my grandkids, I think it is no wonder that Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to Me & do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.

So, I'm wondering at what point in time do we become too old to enjoy the simple wonders of life?  Take snow for instance.  I have not played in the snow in maybe 10 years.  Today I walked outside to see how our neighborhood had been transformed by the blizzard that swept through yesterday.  I felt a a rush in my chest & had the greatest urge to take off running through the snow, fall down & roll around, and make snow people.  Of course, I am a mature adult now so I resisted the urge.  After all I might hurt myself, get wet & cold, & would definitely have a big mess to clean up.

I thought about Graci who came to the door breathless last winter, beaming from ear to ear, covered in snow.  Mimi!  I frew a snowball at myself.  See!  She then proceeded to grab some snow & smash it into her own face that was as happy as it could be.  I laughed heartily with her & told her she was a silly girl.  But oh what fun she was having! 

I wonder when I stopped living in wonder like Graci & all little children do.  Today I remembered whispers of the little girl I used to be, and I think I might just go outside & play in the snow in honor of her.

But I don't want to!

Confront- 1. to face esp. in challenge: oppose: also: to deal unflinchingly with. 2. to cause to face or meet.

Confrontation.  I'm not good at it.  In fact, I hate it & avoid it whenever possible.  But sometimes it is inevitable.  Like when a student continuously goofs off or disrupts class with a stinky attitude. Or when your cell phone service provider bills you an outrageous amount when you upgrade your phone. Or a credit card company charges you $9.95 a month for insurance you never okayed. And so on. What a pain!  It messes with my peaceful equilibrium.  But I guess that is part of life, & you just have to deal with it. Cause if you don't, it only gets worse.  So, here I go...calling parents, calling billing depts. and taking a couple of advil.

Today

Today

I’ve lived with sorrow

Felt my heart break in two

Wept great sobbing tears

Cried in anguish at things I could not change

Fought through the cloud of depression

And at times felt all alone

But today is not that day

Today is not a day of sorrow or tears

Today is not a day of what ifs or whys

Today is a new day

Where I will walk in joy

And peace is my companion

Where the love of God fills me & surrounds me

Calling me His own

As He strengthens me for the His purpose

Today is a day for new dreams

Living in expectancy

Anticipating the fulfillment of His promises

Knowing deep inside

Confidently, boldly

Miraculously

They will come to pass

By: Tina Van Brunt

       Nov. 22, 2010

Trying to "Get It"

Teaching is a noble profession.  I truly believe that.  I also believe that God gives some people the gift of teaching.  You know the difference.  There are those who decide to be a teacher & impart information.  They sincerely love their subject, but they are so dry that you feel like you've been tortured for the 50 minutes you spent in their world. And then there is the gifted teacher who makes time stand still and inspires and challenges you to greater things. You want to please them and get their mark of approval.

This is my first year teaching in public school, and I love teaching. I hope to be a great teacher some day. I think, though, that to be a great teacher, you have to be a great learner.  And boy, am I learning!  Every lesson, every concept, every student, every day...I'm learning.  Working it out as I go.  Everyone said the first year would be the hardest, and they were not exaggerating.  If there is a weakness in your plans or in yourself, it will be exposed by the 100+ darling students that you have in class each day.  (Ugh, more self-improvement plans...) So, I live and learn.  And make better plans and stronger moves in classroom management, even though my general nature is to go with the flow, don't rock the boat, live & let live.  Yeah, those philosophies do not work in the classroom setting.  Not unless you want to go home feeling like a you've been hit by a truck every day & have footprints all over your backside where you've been trampled on.  So, why in the world do I want to teach then?  Because, I love it. 

I love watching students "get it".  I love hearing one student who "gets it" explaining "it" to another student.  I love those moments when the students are listening raptly and soaking up new knowledge.  You can almost see the wheels turning in their heads as they absorb it and work to make it their own.  I love when a student who I didn't think was going to "get it" gets it.  (Learning once again, not to make quick assumptions.) 

Yeah, everyday is a roller coaster ride, and I never know which way it will go.  But I'm going to school and learning more than I ever imagined as I try to be that teacher who inspires and challenges their students to greater things.