Okay, I admit it; I am a crier. I have embarrassed myself many times throughout my life with inopportune tears. I have gotten better with age though. Guess I've toughened up a bit. At least I can usually hold off the tears until I'm in a private place.
Well, I have made it three-quarters of the way through my first year teaching, & it feels like I have come a long way in that time. I cried every day on my way home from school for the first 2 weeks. I remember realizing that it must be getting better when I hadn't cried for a while.
I cried tonight for a long time...not because I was stressed and tired and the kids were pushing all my buttons, but because I talked to a girl today who had wanted to commit suicide. On the drive home from taking my grandson back to his parents, I had some alone time with God. I thought of all the different situations and issues I knew that some students were dealing with. I thought about the compromises and immature moral decisions that so many students are making. I thought about the students who are always on the fringe of things, but never really a part of the group. Students who can't read. Students who think they are stupid. My heart is broken tonight for all of these and more. And I prayed. I prayed hard. I realized tonight that even though I still have long way to go to be the teacher that I want to be (like my awesome prof. Dra. Shelton), I can make a difference right now through the power of love and prayer for my students. I felt that God was just giving me a little taste of His broken heart tonight. My granny had a plaque on her wall that said, "Prayer Changes Things" and I truly believe that. So, I will probably always be a crier, but then so was Jesus when his heart broke for his people, and they wouldn't come to him. He could have changed their lives forever.
I think tears are important to God. Why else would He say He puts our tears in a bottle and makes a record of them in His book? (Ps. 56:8) I am not alone. My students are not alone. You are not alone. He loves me & He loves you, too. So, I am hopeful. As my dad says when he is preaching, hope is the expectation of future good. And He has filled me with hope. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5)
