In the Presence of Jesus

 

October 26, 2020               

I’m normally a private person, and I certainly do not talk about my dreams on Facebook. But tonight was different. I became consciously aware of a dream I was having in the middle of the night.

In the dream, I saw Jesus. Not up close but from a short distance. He was facing me but I couldn’t see His face clearly because He was radiating with light. The light shimmered as if it were alive, and everywhere it moved, things came to life, darkness disappeared, sadness left, & hope sprang up. 

I could feel His presence tangibly. Love and joy so profound, I lost my desire for anything else. I just wanted to be in His presence. Even the thought of anything else felt shabby & dirty. I knew that whoever and whatever comes into His presence would immediately be made whole.

His was a love so profound; I lost all desire for anything else. I just wanted to be where He was. Nothing else had any interest for me. When I looked on Him, I could feel His life energy flow. I was immersed in it and it made me whole—nothing missing, nothing broken-physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I finally understood the scripture that says His strength is made perfect in our weakness. 

He is radiantly beautiful. The shimmery, undulating glow of light, energy, & love are absolute. Nothing dark can come near Him. And all who come to Him are transformed immediately, and completely. There was no struggle in His presence.  The darkness fled when He turned toward it. Those who came from the darkness into His light were freed and made whole. 

I knew I wanted to be a conduit of His presence and love—to take it to those who are lost and broken in our world. To take His love and Healing power to those who are tortured by the darkness because existing without His presence is no existence at all-only a struggle to find the light. Yet those who are in darkness are bound by the darkness and blinded by it. The darkness around them resists the light and tries to turn them from the light. But once they do encounter the light, the darkness dissolves into nothingness and Jesus’ Healing, cleansing, transforming power is instantaneous. 

There is no equal to His love. I desired to be with Him. I just wanted to stay in His presence. I had no fear in His presence. Not one ounce of anxiety. I had complete trust and confidence in His love and protection of me. I felt no condemnation or feelings of inadequacy, because I knew He completed and filled whatever was lacking in me with His goodness and strength.

His living light and love was all I longed for. I knew that wherever I went or whatever I did in the future, I wanted to be surrounded by His presence. I never wanted to be without it and the thought of living without it would be a living death. But I wasn’t afraid of losing Him or being rejected by Him, because His love was complete.

I think the writer of this song must have had a similar encounter with Jesus, because once you spend time in His presence, nothing else will do.  

Nothing Else by Cody Carnes https://youtu.be/4BhTAJ49MQ0

May 16, 2022

When I awoke completely from my dream, I typed up the details as fast as I could on the notes on my phone.  I did not want to forget a single detail.  Even now when I re-read the dream, the power of that encounter with Jesus overwhelms me and centers me.  I remember that I am His.  I want to be in His presence now & for eternity. 

My heart’s cry is to bring as many people to Jesus as I can.

By Tina Van Brunt

Dying to Live a Life Worth Living

Matthew 16:24, 25 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

   

Denying yourself is hard. Dying to your flesh is excruciating.

Serving others when you don’t want to is an act of denying yourself.  Because of the love of God in us, we put aside our personal wishes and suck it up, and try to care for others with a graceful attitude.    

Like I said, it’s hard. Some days more than others.

Dying to your flesh…it’s a painful journey.  It’s a continual decision-making process where you choose to do what’s right, what is necessary, what is required to care for others over the long haul when you could be having a life of freedom unencumbered by the weaknesses of others. But because it is right, because it falls to you, because you cannot turn your back on others, you pick up the cross and follow Jesus by serving His body.  His body looks a lot like your children, your spouse, your parents, your mother-in-law, your neighbors; even some strangers who are at the mercy of circumstances they can’t control.   Caring for those who are weak among us is tiring work.  A heavy burden.

But what is the alternative? Go about our selfish, merry way, satisfying our personal wants and desires while leaving them to figure it out for themselves, knowing they cannot?  No, we can’t do that.     

     

Should we take it out on them and make them pay when we shoulder the burden of their care? Let them know by our tone of voice and look on our face that we resent it? We can’t do that either.

Our only choice, if we truly want to walk in the righteousness of God, it to take up this cross and carry it.

But not as a martyr.  But by letting go of self. Letting go of selfish desires.  Giving all of that to Jesus.  Loving without any thought of return.  Knowing our reward is from the Lord.  Our efforts and energy may never be acknowledged or rewarded…at least not by those down here.  But God sees.  God knows.  God is working something in us far more valuable than we can imagine.  Letting His grace, His strength, His anointing flow through us to others.  Having faith that when our flesh is truly crucified and we are dead to self, that God is only beginning with His work in us, and through us, for His eternal weight in glory. 

It always comes down to this…dozens of little choices every day that acknowledge God’s will and way over our own, or ignoring the next level of relationship with Him and walking in shallow faith that is like a baby always looking for its next bottle.  We choose by faith to do the tedious, the irksome, and the undesirable tasks while serving others in order to minister to His body. When we do, by faith, trusting Him to make all things right, we honor Him and bring Him glory.  He is God.  He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.  He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is faithful.

We can walk in the fleshly realm or we can lay ourselves aside and follow after Him.  There is more than what we have seen.  More power and anointing than what we have experienced.  There are more miracles and deliverances than we can imagine, and a multitude of souls who need His love, His word and His healing touch that flows through us. But only as we die to ourselves do we truly receive His provision and become empowered to live a life of service.    

His Greatest Creation

“His greatest creation is you.  You are His greatest creation.  Everything you need, He put inside you.“  (Bro. Robert Newton, 7-8-13)

How can I be His greatest creation? Does He really value me…? More than a sunset? Or a roaring river flowing through the mountains? More than the Garden of Eden? How could He value me?

And yet, He did not give His son—His only son—His beloved son—to suffer & die for a sunset, or a river, or a garden.  He did give His son for me.

Jesus has proven His love beyond a shadow of a doubt.  He gave himself.  He suffered.  He endured.  He despised the shame of it.  But He did it because of the joy ahead.  (Heb 12:2)

So, why do I feel like I have no value? That I don’t really matter?  And even worse, that I am a big disappointment? A failure? Rejected?  Why do I battle the same battles day after day, month after month, year after year? What key am I missing?  Why can’t I get it?

Oh, I acknowledge the truth.  I nod my head & say amen!  My life’s schedule revolves around the church’s.  And still, there are days, too many I’m sad to admit, that I struggle.  I can go from the mountain top, great faith, energy & joy to the depths of loneliness, tiredness, and a constant battle against negative forces of depression, criticism, & tears.  Even as I know it’s not right & I should shake it off, I lose momentum.  Instead of tearing down strongholds & banishing the darkness, I stumble…again.  I weaken…I become overwhelmed.  Dear, Lord, save me from myself.  “Don’t let the enemy overtake me!” seems to be a familiar desperate cry.

So, how does one reconcile the strong overcoming person of faith with the small child inside who wants to do great things, but in reality, doesn’t know how to fly?  Even wonders if God really does love them because they’re His special creation, or if He loves them because He is God & He has to.

That seems amusing as I write it.  Like God says, ‘Well, I made Tina & I love her, but only because I have to, not cause I really want to.  

When Bro. Newton prayed for me, he said something that struck a chord in my soul.  He said, “You’ve given all you can give. You’ve come to the end of yourself. The end of yourself…but not the end of God.  He doesn’t come to the end of Himself.”  

In Matthew 11 Jesus said, “Come to Me all you who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn of Me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.”

He will give us rest.  In Psalm 23, He says He restores our soul.

Let’s face it…life is hard. Life stinks. Life is not fair. Yet, we have a champion.  We have a defender, a strong tower.  When we are weak, He is strong.  And He loves us.  He loves me!  He loves you!  And He is BIG ENOUGH, capable enough, & wise enough to protect my fragile little soul & bring me to the day of completion when flesh will lose all hold. I will put on immortality. I will be like Him & with Him. 

And until that day, I will continue on.  I will have struggles, & no doubt some failures.  But I will also have some triumphs.  And He will never leave me or forsake me.  And even though it’s beyond my ability to comprehend, I know He loves me.  I am His greatest creation.  You are His greatest creation.    

picture by Matt Rogers

By Tina Van Brunt

The blur that was my June

Well, I have now seen & swam in the ocean.  That may not seem like a big whoop to most people, but I have been waiting all my life.  You know how it is when you anticipate something for a long time?  Then when it actually happens, it seems kind of anti-climatic. It didn't live up to  your expectations.  That was NOT the case with the ocean.  It was better than I dreamed.  The waves, the roar, the energy, the life, the power, the beauty...amazing!  I loved it!  You can bet I won't wait 43 more years to see it again.

Grand Canyon..another first.  My first view of it didn't seem real.  It looked like a painting on the other side of the car window.  It was quite awe-inspiring, also.  I wouldn't mind exploring it some more & spending some time there in the future.  Wish I had my young body, then I could do some hiking.

Speaking of young body...hormones...the evil monster that keeps robbing me of myself.  If I had not experienced what they could do to a person for myself, I would not have believed it.  When I was young, it was never an issue.  In fact, I think I was kind of proud of that.  That's what you get for being cocky!  Now I have understanding. I only bring it up because when they mess we me, it's like a dark heavy blanket settles over me & impacts everything.  But then the heavy blanket lifts & I feel like sunshine & smiley faces again, ready to tackle the world.  

Revival.  If you have never heard Bro. Robert Newton preach, you are missing out!  We had a fantastic time at church.  I think seeing the teenagers joining in worship, praying & seeking God is one of my favorite things.  So many of today's youth are caught up in selfish pursuits, but there are those who are learning to be servants because they love & have a heart after God. There is hope for the next generation. 

I just spent a week at church camp at Turner Falls.  Some day when my thoughts are more coherent, I will write about camp.  That was the last A/G youth camp EVER at Turner Falls.  Bittersweet, I would say.  The campgrounds are old and over crowded, which is why we are building a new campground facility that will better meet the needs.  But, wow!  I have so many precious memories from Turner Falls that I will cherish.

One last thought before I go for the evening.  Grand-babies.  Now, I am a young grandma; or Mimi as I like to be called.  I have 4 grand-kids. 2 girls, 2 boys.  I adore them! They keep me busy.  I miss my little CA sunshine baby so much!  On second thought, I will leave the topic of grand-babies for another time.  Just thinking about our little one so far away makes my heart ache.   

June had been a great month, but I am ready to slow down, hang out at the pool, & talk about all the things I should be doing.  lol!  Hope your summer is a blessed one, too!

Tears

Okay, I admit it; I am a crier.  I have embarrassed myself many times throughout my life with inopportune tears.  I have gotten better with age though.  Guess I've toughened up a bit.  At least I can usually hold off the tears until I'm in a private place.

Well, I have made it three-quarters of the way through my first year teaching, & it feels like I have come a long way in that time.  I cried every day on my way home from school for the first 2 weeks.  I remember realizing that it must be getting better when I  hadn't cried for a while. 

I cried tonight for a long time...not because I was stressed and tired and the kids were pushing all my buttons, but because I talked to a girl today who had wanted to commit suicide.  On the drive home from taking my grandson back to his parents, I had some alone time with God.  I thought of all the different situations and issues I knew that some students were dealing with.  I thought about the compromises and immature moral decisions that so many students are making.  I thought about the students who are always on the fringe of things, but never really a part of the group.  Students who can't read.  Students who think they are stupid.  My heart is broken tonight for all of these and more.  And I prayed.  I prayed hard. I realized tonight that even though I still have long way to go to be the teacher that I want to be (like my awesome prof. Dra. Shelton), I can make a difference right now through the power of love and prayer for my students.  I felt that God was just giving me a little taste of His broken heart tonight.  My granny had a plaque on her wall that said, "Prayer Changes Things" and I truly believe that.  So, I will probably always be a crier, but then so was Jesus when his heart broke for his people, and they wouldn't come to him.  He could have changed their lives forever. 

I think tears are important to God. Why else would He say He puts our tears in a bottle and makes a record of them in His book? (Ps. 56:8)  I am not alone.  My students are not alone.  You are not alone.  He loves me & He loves you, too.  So, I am hopeful.  As my dad says when he is preaching, hope is the expectation of future good. And He has filled me with hope. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Ps. 30:5)

Child-like Wonder

I love watching small children, don't you?  They experience every experience in their little lives with all their beings.  I love watching my 7 month old grandson eat.  His eyes get big.  He kicks his arms & legs furiously, & bounces up & down.  My other 13 month old grandson will drop everything in an instant when someone presses the button on his teddy bear that plays Cotton-Eyed Joe.  He dances as fast as he can until the end when he stops just as quickly as he started & begins clapping & smiling.  And my little granddaughters, ages 7 & 8.  So curious, busy, daring, & totally uninhibited.  When I think about my grandkids, I think it is no wonder that Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to Me & do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.

So, I'm wondering at what point in time do we become too old to enjoy the simple wonders of life?  Take snow for instance.  I have not played in the snow in maybe 10 years.  Today I walked outside to see how our neighborhood had been transformed by the blizzard that swept through yesterday.  I felt a a rush in my chest & had the greatest urge to take off running through the snow, fall down & roll around, and make snow people.  Of course, I am a mature adult now so I resisted the urge.  After all I might hurt myself, get wet & cold, & would definitely have a big mess to clean up.

I thought about Graci who came to the door breathless last winter, beaming from ear to ear, covered in snow.  Mimi!  I frew a snowball at myself.  See!  She then proceeded to grab some snow & smash it into her own face that was as happy as it could be.  I laughed heartily with her & told her she was a silly girl.  But oh what fun she was having! 

I wonder when I stopped living in wonder like Graci & all little children do.  Today I remembered whispers of the little girl I used to be, and I think I might just go outside & play in the snow in honor of her.

But I don't want to!

Confront- 1. to face esp. in challenge: oppose: also: to deal unflinchingly with. 2. to cause to face or meet.

Confrontation.  I'm not good at it.  In fact, I hate it & avoid it whenever possible.  But sometimes it is inevitable.  Like when a student continuously goofs off or disrupts class with a stinky attitude. Or when your cell phone service provider bills you an outrageous amount when you upgrade your phone. Or a credit card company charges you $9.95 a month for insurance you never okayed. And so on. What a pain!  It messes with my peaceful equilibrium.  But I guess that is part of life, & you just have to deal with it. Cause if you don't, it only gets worse.  So, here I go...calling parents, calling billing depts. and taking a couple of advil.